I’ve always had a desire to write down my thoughts. Since I was 12 and my parents split, my mom always urged me to “write down my feelings.” I’m a good daughter, and a good girl, always doing what I’m told. So I started writing brief recordings in a notebook she bought specifically for this purpose. Since I was really little, like old enough to play make believe, I’d loved using notebooks, either ripping out the paper to leave spy notes around the house, or keeping a log of things that I sold from my pretend clothing boutique. But it was that first time, at 12 years old, that I actually wrote down my real emotions and thoughts.
These first entries were crude, messy, and chaotic. I’d add in pictures, hand drawn or printed out, to add color to the boring, pencil and ink smudged pages. I’d follow this pattern for years, the pages ranging from sad cries of help about my inability to fathom their split, the growing anger towards my father, the insecurities about my own place in the world, until I was maybe 14 or 15. I’d filled up random notebooks over this time period, and they remain thrown around the house to this day. I began a Tumblr blog, which started off with good intentions. I used to write book reviews, new recipes I created, or simple descriptions of my days as a sophomore in high school. This petered out, until I simply re-blogged memes and cats doing funny things.
My point is, this is the first time I’ve actually wanted to start a diary of sorts, about myself, about my actual life, rather than what I wish it was. Rather than just the sad, or just the happy parts. My entire life, good, bad, and ugly.
That being said, it took me forever to think of a title. By forever, I mean a solid 15 minutes, but considering it took less than 1 minute to sign up for this blog, it seemed like forever in comparison. I’d come up with a ton of random, cute, innovative, stupid titles that I could use as a placeholder until I had time to think of another one, but I really like the one I chose. Two of my favorite things, root beer floats and fireworks. I love the ice cream and soda combination, which I’d only allowed myself in the happiest, most carefree moments. And fireworks had always been huge exclamation points signifying summer, friends, and adventure. I wanted these two aspects to set the tone for this time of year, and my mindset while writing this blog. Something bitter sweet, something bright, and altogether something worthwhile.
peace and happy thoughts ✌